Cosmic comic book talk
December 09, 2014 02:13 PM PSTRorschach’s Journal. October 12ff, 1985: Dog carcass in alley this mornin’, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I ‘ave seen it’s true Nanny Goat Race. The streets are extended gutters and the bloody gutters are full of blood and wen the drains finally scab over, right, all the vermin will drown. The bloomin’ accumulated filff of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the bloomin’ ‘oores and politicians will ‘ave a look up and shout “Chas’n'Dave us! Honest guv!”… …and I’ll ‘ave a look dahn, and whispa “nah mate.” They ‘ad a choice, right, all of them. They could ‘ave followed in the footsteps of right good men like me favver, or President Truman. Decent men, ‘oo believed in a day’s work for a day’s pay. Instead the followed the droppings of lechers and Communists and didn’t realize that the bloody trail led over a precipice until it were too late. Cor blimey guv! Don’t tell me they didn’t ‘ave a choice. Now the ‘oole world stands on the bloody brink, starin’ dahn into bloody hell fire, all them liberals and intellectuals and smooff-talkers… and all of a sudden, no bloke can fink of anyfink ter say. Okee-day, let’s get started, we can’t just sit around all day! We’ve got a podcast to run, people! It won’t run itself. Unless…it did??? A sentient podcast! Crivens! doesn’t bare thinking about really. Luckily this podcast isn’t sentient, it’s the home of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, and it;s SILENCE!
December 02, 2014 01:20 PM PSTSO DRUNK IN THE AUGUST SUN, AND YOU’RE THE KIND OF GIRL I LIKE But didn’t we? I mean *really* when you think about it, didn’t we? We really did didn’t we? Yes we did. We really did. Did it, I mean. Really. Didn’t we? Didn’t we do it? We did, yes we did. We really really did. Didn’t we? No. Ahh. Well then. Should we head to the drawing room and see what Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are up to? Why look! They’re recording a SILENCE! let’s go sit at their feet.
November 25, 2014 03:28 PM PSTSo Gary Lactus, a The Beast Must Die and a Bobsy walk into a bar…and then they ordered everyone else of said bar, in order to record a podcast. Shortly after the podcast was finished recording the enraged bar patrons stormed back in and threw the three stringy upstarts out into the gutter, as a lifetime of reading comics had left them milky of complexion and frail of frame. Certainly not strong enough to stand up to a bunch of gammon-faced alcoholics with nothing to live for. Nonetheless the outcome is 2 hours of comics podcast magicccckks…let’s all go SILENCE!
November 18, 2014 02:07 PM PSTWHEN THE FIREWORKS HIT YOU IN MOGADISHU, ON A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY NIGHT It’s the SILENCE! THOUGHT BUBBLE 2014 SPECTACULASM! And you’re all invited. You’re welcome. Plus ones only and ladies in free. Drinks are half price until 9, and you get a free punch in the crackers on the way out. So join Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they lead you on a gentle waltz across the dancefloor of podcastery, before trying to have their way with you in the rose garden. It’s 2+ hours of unbridled hubrisity from the Little and Large of podcasting.
November 03, 2014 01:19 PM PSTOne day a REAL blurb will come…and wash all the other blurbs away. Until that day, you’re stuck with this. Deal with it or deal yourself out. NO DEAL, BANKER, NO DEAL!!!! No Bobsy this week, so get yourself used to a classic double-hander from those two double-handers The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus. It’s a slim, trim, fighting fit SILENCE! that looks just super in those leopard skin jeggings that have been shoved to the back of the wardrobe since January. But don’t worry – there’s some extra treaty goodness attached to the end of this, with Mindless Men-At-Arms lord Nuneaton Savage, Brother Yawn, and no less than Pat Mills and Kev O’Neill. So peel back your earflaps and plug in to around two hours of splendissement.
October 27, 2014 04:26 PM PDTSOMEONE’S IN MY FRUIT CELLAR!
October 21, 2014 02:43 PM PDT
HELLO LISTENER and welcome to SILENCE!!!!?! It's a SPECIAL EPISODE this week as THE BEAST is off answering the battle challenge of a deadly horse that will KILL AGAIN unless STOPPED!!! And leaving GARY LACTUS to face his spaceship alone! But what's this??????? SPECIAL GUEST AL EWING here to talk SHOP, or rather SHOPS as he immediately launches into a tediously long mention of BUDGENS SUPERMARKET. And the THRILLS don't end there. IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER:::::
ITEM! Sponsorship discussed! Tom Baker sold a dictionary! The twist in the tale will COMPEL you!!!?!
ITEM! Superman? Or POOPERMAN? Secrets of Supes' Poop Tube! Hear tell of the EXTRAORDINARY ANAL POWER Superman tried to hide!!!!!!
ITEM! Long discussions of KINK and MUNCHES in your local area! OH JOY SEX TOY discussed! Plus webcomics talk as BAD MACHINERY is plumbed and PUNISHER 2099 gets a HOT MENTION! Also TREES!
ITEM! In depth on the strange small press offering known as BRUTE! What was it? Very problematic in places! But Al reads a story from it out anyway in his INIMITABLE TONE!?!?!?!???
ITEM! Duff talk of reality shows! The BOOM BOOM BOOM and the BOOM BOOM WOW! Work Of Art: The Next Great Artist mentioned! WORK OF FART -- MORE LIKE! "Your guff was not enough" screams Tyra Banks as she SMITES WITH HER EYES!!!
ITEM! Annihilator DISCUSSED! Frazer Irving PRAISED! Then we wrap it up so Gary can PEE!! LIKE A RACEHORSE!!! Perhaps the very same racehorse that THE BEAST MUST DIE IS HITTING WITH A HAMMER!!!! AT THIS VERY MOMENT!!!!!?!!1!!!!!!!
ITEM! ITEM! ITEM! NO FURTHER ITEM!!!???!!???????!??!?????????!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!!SILENCE! #118
October 13, 2014 02:37 PM PDTOh hi there! You caught me with my hand in the pickled onion jar! Welcome back DEAR LISTENERS, to this very special* technical-hitch FREE episode of SILENCE! With a rejuvenated The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus, freshly back from judging the 3rd Annual Electroplegic Bodyshunting Competition. Slipping off their ceremonial robes, the pusillanimous pairsome are hot cocked, and ready to rot! Let’s get podcarousing!
October 07, 2014 03:21 PM PDTFIRST WE’LL DRINK TEA, AND THEN WE’LL FIGHT! Butch & Sundance, Batman & Robin, Chip ‘n’ Dale, Steptoe & Son..? Fred & Rose? Those are all pairs aren’t they? Okay then that’s done. Can’t think why I was thinking about that. Anyway, after last week’s spectaculatrix of glam-filled guest star party, it’s the inevitable come down, as the Beast returns from his hollibobs and runs slam bang into the loving arms of Gary Lactus. Well, after some HILARIOUS technical troubles. Just like old times… SILENCE! Just like Mama used to make: Starchy, thin and unsatisfying.
September 30, 2014 02:07 PM PDT
I WAS A TEENAGE STAMP COLLECTOR I'D LAY ON MY BACK AND YOU'D STAMP ON MY FACE
There we go, that's the quote done. Now I have to do some sort of blurb. Gary Lactus here by the way. I was all excited about The Beast Must Die coming back from Croatia and Bobsy coming round to my space ship for a lovely 3 person podcast when illness and circumstance all struck at once! Let me tell you, I was all ready to give up on life when I thought, "Hey, there are more than three people who like comics and stuff" so I asked the internet. I Googled, "Pod Pals" and Kieron Gillen, James Baker, Steve Heller-Murphy and Matthew Craig fell out of my laptop almost instantly! Me and my new pals talked about things. Here is a list of them:
Witches, People Inside, Memetic, Six Gun Gorilla, X 23, X-Men, BendiXmen, Megaton Man, Aztec Ace, Reid Flemming World's Toughest Milkman, 2000AD and a whole load of other divergences.
Come join me on my inerractopodical adventure...
Cosmic comic book discussion and songs from Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die of Mindlessones.com
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