July 18, 2017 05:59 AM PDT
WE’RE SO SORRY, UNCLE ALBERT
Hadrian-like, The Beast returns erecting a psychic wall between the listeners and their memories of the recent Scottish invasion. That’s right, it’s a ’Classic’ SILENCE! with those stodgy old pros Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.
- Fake pleasantries, artfully inserted Sponsorship and a bit more discussion about Small Press Day 2017. A ‘classic’ meat and potatoes intro.
- A bit of proper Sadmin as The Beast eulogises recently departed horror auteur George A Romero.
- Hot topix section alert! There’s a new Doctor Who in town. HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS INCREDIBLE SECRET?? Hot-takes like hot-cakes – ALL HERE!
- Finally – finally – the Reviewniverse is breached. Thar she blows! Al Ewing’s Rocket is discussed and then there’s a nice long digressionary ramble about autobio comics, taking in King Cat Comics, Joe Matt, Billy, Me & You, Robert Crumb, James Kochalka and The Cleaner.
A few audio fumbles and then it’s a hop, skip and a jump off to la-lal-land. Did I mention how CLASSIC (classic) this all is??
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
July 14, 2017 01:47 AM PDT
“SOME LIKE IT SCOTT!”
With The Family Beast still busy chewing on cigars with the big boys of Amazon “Optimus” Prime, mere minutes away from negotiating a deal that will see them broadcast into living rooms and pockets across the world, Gary Lactus is forced to do the one thing he didn’t want to do…. negotiate with the Skype-inept monsters of Mindless North for a second episode running.
Despite the usual technical problems that occur when North and South try to get together – blame Nicola Sturgeon for nationalising Scottish Skype in a better reality! – Gary Lactus is joined by Illogical Volume and Mister Attack, their shirts wet with rain, their bellies full of macaroni and rage.
- Who sponsors Gary Lactus? Some guy called Dave. Who sponsors the sponsemen? Fuck it, I dunno, Geoff Johns probably.
- The gang discuss the recent Small Press Day, the life changing/band forming dangers of encountering strange works by shifty creators in darkened rooms and the explosive properties of turtles.
- Shifting effortlessly out of the classical forms he has already mastered and into the new realm of Perhaps, R. Gary R.R.R. Lactus presents his new science fiction masterpiece: A Westworld.
- The question of who the nicest Mindless One is raised again. Will Illogical Volume prove that he is actually a callow, cynical monster whose whole existence is a lie perpetrated against human decency by actually holding a twitter poll to determine whether people think he is nicer than Mister Attack? Only time will tell.
- In SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started, Gary Lactus is surprised by Spider-Man: Homecoming, and the Scottish are grumpy about Marvel movies and enthusiastic about gingers and ants.
- With all the relevant admin taken care of, the trio dive arse-first into the Reviewniverse for purposeful wallow in the inky pleasures of comics. John Allison’s Giant Days, new non-hierarchical/anonymous arts project SLAB, Al Ewing, Dan Brown and Travel Foreman’s Ultimates 2 (which Illogical Volume has finally started to read!), Craig Collins’ Oubliette, Hot Trash Dimension and Ross Geller Fanzine, the cosy era of the Justice League, Gumby comics, and the wonderful info-comics produced by the University of Glasgow’s Wellcome Centre for Molecular Parasitology.
After making a speedy exit from the Reviewniverse, the team take a brief detour through the pages of Show Call…
…and tolerate Illogical Volume promoting Cut-Out Witch (drawn by the wonderful Lynne Henderson), Looking Glass Heights and Living Rent before heading off in search of more dinner.
June 27, 2017 02:44 PM PDT
“THE BEAST MUST OCH AYE MAIR LIKE IT!”
With The Family Beast busy pitching a Netflix series to cash in on the ecstatic reactions to Mini-Beast’s debut vocal track, and Illogical Volume hunched over an inter-dimensional toilet seat with time to kill, today is the day where we get to find out whether SILENCE! can survive a sudden influx of vile Northern nationalism!
It’s also the day where Illogical Volume gets himself banned from the nationalist dance party and for Dundee for mistakenly saying “Glaswegian” when he means “Scottish”, but no one ever said access to the Reviewniverse came cheap!
- Who is the nicest Mindless? A hint: he’s not on this podcast!
- Since he’s mysteriously lacking in sponsorship deals from Dave’s Comics of Brighton, Illogical Volume takes a punt on his local library instead. Somehow this devolves into Mssrs Lactus and Volume blethering on about how dead relatives can give you totally meaningless power – a “redeeming fart” is also mentioned but not heard.
- In a section that he didn’t remember to call SILENCE! at the Art Gallery, Mr Volume enthuses about the Frank Quitely: The Art of Comics exhibition currently running at the Kelvingrove Art Gallery in Glasgow and recommends that SILENCE! listeners from all dimensions take the opportunity to really immerse themselves in all those footery wee lines and brilliant panel layouts.
- After that’s done with the boyce head over to the Reviewniverse for a nice wee trudge through the wheat fields of comics. Shirtless Bearfighter, Shaolin Cowboy, Stray Bullets, Kathryn Briggs’ Magpie and Triskelion (which you should totally buy!), Al Ewing’s Ultimates 2 (which Illogical Volume should totally read!), Douglas Noble’s The Dreadful Work and After The Sessions (with Sean Azzopardi), Helena Crash, Justice League of Captain America and more.
In “I Recky-Mend” Mssrs Lactus and Volume somehow manage to spoil the plot of the new Bladerunner movie without even seeing it, and Mr Volume gibbers on about Darkcell’s Nightmare Document part 1, which he totally didn’t buy after seeing John Darnielle big it up the other day…
June 23, 2017 12:02 AM PDT
I AM ALWAYS HIGH, I AM ALWAYS LOW, THERE IS ALWAYS CHANGE
‘Oo told you to come and see me then? Eric the Mouth was it? Bloody chancer that Eric, always sendin’ hopeless my cases my way. Finkin’ I got the time to sort out every knoc-kneed tosspot ‘oo comes blinkin’ into my lock up. Oh yeah, course I got a lot of quality gear in this place, all sorts. Got everything you might want actually. Course there’s a price though in there? What kind of businessman would I be if I din’t ask for a proper price? So you seen what you need ave ya…? Yeah, thought you might’a done. No, no, you put yer wallet away. Don’t want cash for what I’m sellin’, no no. I want something a bit more precious. Bit more valuable.
If you get my drift?
- Welcome listenoids, to the newest, chewiest, brouhaha that is SILENCE! The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus are here to bring you nourishing comics podcasting to see you through this warm, sticky patch.
- Sponsorships set out on the choppy seas of Admin, looking to bring us back treats and treasures. Also: The Mini-Beast Speaks!
- SILENCE!…Because The Film Has Started, with Gary Lactus weeping actual tears for the kindness in Wonder Woman‘s heart. Also, The Beast talks up Twin Peaks: The Return, in particular Laura Dern.
- Finally it’s time to squeeze our svelte figures into the tight-fitting lycra of The Reviewniverse. Comics covered include Slasher, Jimmy’s Bastards, Dark Days: The Forges, DKIII: The Master Race, Black Hammer, Bug, Squirrel Girl, Peter Bagge’s Sweat Shop and more, oh so very much more…
- Finally we have I Recky-mend by The Beast, with the Tony Law episode of The Comedican’s Comedian.
And then we’re done, like old slow dog’s lying in the sun.
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
June 13, 2017 01:55 PM PDT
GUEST BLURB WRITTEN BY OUR FRENCH EXCHANGE STUDENT
My name is Gary. I am twelve years old. I live in Brighton. I have two cats. I like pop music but I love rock music. I live in a house. I hate classical music. At the weekend I play table football with my friend Jean Pierre. I enjoy swimming in the swimming pool. In my bedroom I have posters of pop musicians. I like reading comics.
SILENCE! #228 is a right old state on a plate, mate as Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die reconvene with reports on the new Pat Mills novel, Serial Killers plus ICE Brighton and MCM London, (they’re no Thought Bubble).
Then it’s time for some Sadmin as the chaps Bat-bid a fond Bat-farewell to Adam West.
There’s only one place to go from there and that’s The Reviewniverse where Bulletproof Coffin: 1000 Yard Stare, Doctor Strange, Divided States Of Hysteria, Rocket and Extremity with a couple of brief thoughts on All New Guardians Of The Galaxy, Saga and Kaijumax
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
May 29, 2017 02:28 PM PDT
I DREAMED A DREAM OF TIMES GONE BY
Welcome back to the SILENCE! Got Talent semi final. Here’s a reminder of the acts you’re voting for tonight:
To vote for Lenny Menus and his mind reading dinners phone 0345791
Or for Jurgen Klart and his turd flinging chimps ring 0345792
To see the big, ugly one who’s alright at singing go through to the final call 0345793
If you want abattoir worker Cherry Bristols and her speed slaughtering act perform for The Queen text 0345794
- It’s Maid Of Nails joining Gary Lactus for a period of recorded talking.
- Maid Of Nails tells Gary all about MCM (Man Crush Monday, we think)
- Mom Of Nails is discussed in relation to Nails’ Punisher podcast, Frank Discussions
- It’s Reviewniverse time where Underwinter, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, Good Hair, All New Guardians Of The Galaxy, Star Lord Annual, The Archies, The Wicked And The Divine and Secret Empire are looked at.
- That’ll do. Let’s go.
You can support us using Patreon if you like.
May 26, 2017 07:22 AM PDT
YOU ARE COMING DOWN WITH ME, HAND IN UNLOVABLE HAND
At the end of the day, when the lonely trumpet sounds its mournful note, and you’re finally called to account for yourself; when you’re making the case that yes, damnnit, yes I did deserve to be here; that all the mindless consumption and waste, the hours spent idling, all the petty thoughts, insecurities and jealousies, all of it could be justified because didn’t we just create the greatest, the finest, the absolute zenith of podcasts? Didn’t we do that? And doesn’t that make it okay? All the tears, the loneliness and the broken dreams…it makes it okay doesn’t it?
Well doesn’t it?
HA HA HA!! It’s time for SILENCE!
- It’s the ultimate classic team of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die – it’s like putting on a pair of tatty old piss-stained jeans isn’t it. SO COMFORTABLE
- There’s some SponSORship (check my weird enunciation) featuring special guest star Charles ‘CHUCK FORCE’ Forsman. Also some admin, including a review of the recent Comic Pop-up in Brighton. There’s probably some other hot nonsense in there too.
- Have you seen the SILENCE! Facebook group? It’s where all the pretty young things are hanging out, just waiting to be noticed. It;s right here
- That gum you like is stuck to your backside. It’s a quick chat about the Twin Peaks: The Return, although for your detailed anal cysts, head to Diane.
- Finally! Comics! Inserting themselves deftly into the pillowy comforts of the Reviewniverse, the pugnacious pairsome talk about Corey Lews’ Sun Bakery, Your Black Friend, All New Ultimates, Shaolin Cowboy, $ Kids Walk Into a Bank, Curse Words, Squirrel Girl, and proabably some other jibber-jabber too.
May 18, 2017 06:20 AM PDT
***Visit this post on Mindlessones.com for pictures and links pertaining to the stuff talked about in this podcast.***
NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO, NO NOT ME
Well, this was a lot of fun. On May 11th 2017, Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and Lord Nuneaton Savage sat atop the Bishop’s Finger with a the finest fellows a bunch of pod bods could ever hope for.
Small Press was the theme of the evening but first we started off with Tam Laniado leading a tribute to the recently rest-in-peaced Leo Baxendale.
Proceedings proceeded with some rambling chat which covered such small press obscurities as Bum Child by Tim Leopard, OHM by an odd chap that John Bishop met at a convention many years ago, Fast Fiction, Meow by Cyriak and L.I.F.E. Brigade by the delusional genius C. A. Stormon. There was also talk of Viz and the indestructible Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
After a pleasant refill we decided it would be sensible to talk to the creators present. This meant John Riordan going on about Hitsville UK, Douglas Noble waffling on about Strip For Me and Gareth Hopkins guffing about Intercorstal. Luckily there’s some top top chat about daytime TV wine experts to liven things up.
After a lovely singalong we turned off the recording devices and indulged in social activities which shall go unrecorded and spoken of in hushed tones as the years passed thus turning all present for this wonderful evening into legends.
May 17, 2017 01:57 AM PDT
THE MASTER HEALED MY WOUNDS… AND SHOWERED ME WITH FOOD
DID YOU KNOW there’s a word in German for the weight gained whilst overeating because of emotional distress? Amazing!
DID YOU KNOW there’s a German word for the witty come backs you think of later? Yeah, it’s true!
DID YOU KNOW the Germans have a word to describe the a longing for far off places? Our German cousins, eh?
DID YOU KNOW that in Germany they have a word for the conversations English speakers have about how Germans have words that describe really specific things?
DID YOU KNOW sharks can smell London from space?
- It’s SILENCE! #225 with Gary Lactus, The Beast Must Die and special robot guest Spare 5.
- We pay tribute to artist Edmund Bagwell.
- Lots of film and TV chat including Alien Colon Covenant, the Blair Witch remake, The Void, Iron Fist, and there’s some Highlander and Judge Dredd fantasy elevator pitches.
- we are hanging out on the new SILENCE! Facebook group
- We enter the Reviewniverse where we find Bug The Adventures of Forager, Doom Patrol, Rocket, World War Tank Girl, Shade The Changing Girl, and John Smith’s Tyranny Rex text piece from the 2000AD Annual 1991
May 08, 2017 02:11 PM PDT
NO TRESPASS BY ORDER, BY DRUNKEN DISORDER MORE LIKELY OLD PRICK
When you dine at the devil’s table you better make sure you bring your own cutlery. Also bring your own napkin. Some sort of hand santitizer wouldn’t go amiss either. Basically, everyone knows the Devil’s a bit of a prick so take precautions. This should all really go without saying. The real question is why are you dining at the Devil’s table in the first place? Obviously you’re better off not dining at the Devil’s table. Tell you what, if you’re dining at the Devil’s table you deserve everything coming to you (unless you’re buttering him up for a reduced membership fee at the Devil’s Gym with its Olympic sized swimming pool that isn’t full of school kids and old people taking up too much lane space with an impossibly slow breast stroke. It’s a great gym.)
Gary Lactus and Bobsy are creeping up the creaky wooden stairs in the old haunted house that is your ear mind, hoping not to knock anything over and disturb the SILENCE! #224.
- Sip a glass of cold Champagne wine, The rug that we lie on feels divine.
- SILENCE! LIVE! is happening again. Thursday May 11th from 7pm ish at the Bishop’s Finger 9-10 W Smithfield, London EC1A 9JR. We have a vague theme of Big Press/Small Press.
- Comic Pop Up should be fun too! It’s on Saturday May 13th in Brighton
- Swiftly the diphallactic duo swiftly swoop into the Reviewniverse where they guff on about Secret Empire, Hero Killers, Batman: Botchmen, Guardians Of That Galaxy, Bullwhip, Aliens: Dead Orbit, Predator Hunters, Hawkeye, Black Bolt, Champions and Shaolin Cowboy
Cosmic comic book discussion and songs from Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die of Mindlessones.com
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