January 26, 2015 01:57 PM PST
Come on, that’s right…UP TEAM! Jolly hockey sticks! That bloody Gary Lactus, totally bloody solid bloke, fantastic under a high ball! And The Beast Must Die…absolute bloody legend! Exactly who you want in a tight spot! COME ON LADS, SCORE ONE FOR US!! YASSSSSSSSS! SILENCE! – 1, DEAR LISTENERS – 0!!
Half-time oranges anyone? Okay how about a half-time podcast then?
- It’s The Beast Must Die’s birthday (sort of). Let’s all force cake down his gullet and light candles in his ears!
- There’s some Sponsorshit, The Beast promotes his illustrations in Architects Journal, and Gary invites him and the Dear Listeners in a game of Marvel Heroes Bodycare Bingo!
- Into the valley of The Reviewniverse rode Gary & The Beast… and unafraid they review The Kitchen, The Mighty, Batman & robin, Captain America & The Mighty Avengers, UBER, Wicked & The Divine, Rumble, Crossed 100, and 2000AD
- The podcast takes a turn to towards the base, as the boys come up with a novel way to discuss the 4 Dark Judges.
And that, my dreary dears, is that. The bitterest pill is hard to swallow, especially when it’s administered by a couple of cretins.
January 22, 2015 02:26 PM PST
Oh well. you turn your back for 10 minutes and all the little piggies find themselves a NEW podcast to listen to. I bet this podcast has shiny baubles, trinkets and doodads that would make any listener turn it’s head… well let me ask you this dear listener, WHO LOVES YOU, AND WHO DO YOU LOVE???
SILENCE! that’s who. And just because Christmas sauntered into New Year like a saucy minx wandering into a sauce factory, and just because REAL. LIFE. JUST GOT REAL…do you think that makes it okay to just flip your wig for the nearest podcast that shakes it’s little tail-feather in your general direction??? Well do ya pilgrim? Whatever happened to HONESTY? INTEGRITY? INNERCITY (Good life, good life, good life, good life…goood life!)??? WELL?
Oh look I don’t know. I’m just paid to write this shit by the hour, and let me tell you the hourly rate ain’t great. So you get what you been given. And that’s a medium slice of podcast served up with a good dose of sass!
Gary Lactus & the Beast Must Die are here to guide you through the latest 4-colour mission pamphlets….so grab your Leiderhosen and letsbe avenue…
- Relax ev’ryone..The OL’ SPONSORSHIP is here. And it’ just as scintillating as you remember. Somehow the pair find time for a discussion of Marvel Soooperhero films,and Alan Moore synchronicities.
- What’s that coming out of the woods, it’s THE REVIEWNIVERSE! feat. The Humans, 2000AD, The Thrillcast, Colin McNeil, Chopper, Gore, The Dark judges, Judge Anderson, Savage, The Winter Soldier, Jupiter’s Legacy, Batman, Colin Hoult, N.Kanan’s Exit, Daredevil and just a bit more
- Just time to big up Graeme & Jeff’s Baxter Building FF podcast and then it’s home for scones and dead badger pancakes. Ta ta!
December 31, 2014 12:09 AM PST
WE’RE WALKING IN THE AIR, WE’RE FLOATING IN THE MOONLIT SKY OR SOMETHING
Guests, guests, guests! That’s right! Guests! As The Beast Must Die was buried under a megalanche of seasonal commitment, Gary Lactus decided to throw a special New Years Eve party. Gary sure is a popular guy because he managed to get THREE guests to come to his brilliant party. I don’t know if you’ve ever had a party but three is actually quite a lot.
JAMES BAKER took time out from his third Christmas to chat about Isabel Greenberg’s The Encyclopedia of Early Earth, Young Avengers Omnibus, Wicked and Divine#6 andThey’re Not Like Us#1. There’s also time to talk up Hayley Addis’s new project, Goblin Circus (go to haloquin.com) before he has to go and have his mystery dinner.
AL EWING ruined everything by coughing in the egg nog and going on about the Lille comic con. As revenge Gary reviews Mighty Avengers and Loki Agent of Sixis in his face.
MISTER ATTACK burst in and blustered beautifully about Transformers Vs GI Joe, Quantum and Woody and something called Super God Master Force amongst other things.
Then technology broke and stopped the party. Apologies to ED 209 who did some top chat which is lost forever.
Happy new year everyone! I kiss you: XXX
December 23, 2014 12:17 PM PST
It’s beginning to smell a lot like Christmas.
So it’s the time of year when Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die like to kick back, dress like Bruno Brookes and Janice Long and present their Very Special Christmas Jingle Spectacularmas…SILENCE! If there was a end of year best of lists for half-baked, ill-informed opinions and lazy plot recounting…well let me tell you, these boys would be topping that eggnoggin’ list!
- A festive portion of Christmas sponsorship, ho ho ho yeah whatever. There’s some teary listener dedications from those rheumy eyed old sadsacks Gary & The Beast. Plus…the Grant Morrison / Midge Ure connection!
- A festive portion of listener jingles courtesy of the one man walking Brill Building himself Gary Lactus. There will be blood.
- A festive portion of The Reviewniverse ho ho ho with a festive portion of talk about Rumble, Zero, Thunderworld, Annihilator, Spiderman, Sex Criminals, Bitch Planet, Ms Marvel, Batgirl, All New X-Men and probably some other stuff.
- A festive portion of favourite Christmas songs. Predictably.
All that plus some strange transmissions from the Multiversity…? I’LL TAKE TWO PLEASE MA’AM!!!
Well there’s only one. BUT WHAT A ONE!!!!!!
Merry cocking Christmas. One and all.
December 09, 2014 02:13 PM PST
Rorschach’s Journal. October 12ff, 1985:
Dog carcass in alley this mornin’, tire tread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I ‘ave seen it’s true Nanny Goat Race. The streets are extended gutters and the bloody gutters are full of blood and wen the drains finally scab over, right, all the vermin will drown. The bloomin’ accumulated filff of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the bloomin’ ‘oores and politicians will ‘ave a look up and shout “Chas’n'Dave us! Honest guv!”…
…and I’ll ‘ave a look dahn, and whispa “nah mate.”
They ‘ad a choice, right, all of them. They could ‘ave followed in the footsteps of right good men like me favver, or President Truman. Decent men, ‘oo believed in a day’s work for a day’s pay. Instead the followed the droppings of lechers and Communists and didn’t realize that the bloody trail led over a precipice until it were too late. Cor blimey guv! Don’t tell me they didn’t ‘ave a choice.
Now the ‘oole world stands on the bloody brink, starin’ dahn into bloody hell fire, all them liberals and intellectuals and smooff-talkers… and all of a sudden, no bloke can fink of anyfink ter say.
Okee-day, let’s get started, we can’t just sit around all day! We’ve got a podcast to run, people! It won’t run itself. Unless…it did??? A sentient podcast! Crivens! doesn’t bare thinking about really. Luckily this podcast isn’t sentient, it’s the home of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, and it;s SILENCE!
- Sponsorshamallamadingdong! Dave’s Comics & Gosh get the usual shouts, and there’s a bizarre anecdote concerning the demise of Gary’s comedy night ‘Mouth Leak‘, which is worth the entrance fee alone. Plus Christmas markets, movie marathons and more.
- A square kick i the pants, and the pair are launched into The Reviewniverse. Jolly good. They cover Crossed 100 by Alan Moore, with a discussion of his recent interview on Scroobius Pip’s Podcast. But that’s not all, there’s Edge of Spiderverse: Sp//dr, Edge of Spiderverse: I walked With A Spider, Secret Six, Grayson, Wolf Moon, Gotham Academy, Uber, Angela and Alex Potts’ Quiet Disaster.
- Gary recommends a trio of Swedish minicomics. Ooooh!
- Some more podcast recommendations and a bit of the ol’ self promotion, plus a threat to the dear listeners? It’s all here in the newly christened Appendmin…
Now where was i? Let me clear my throat…”Dog carcass in alley…”
December 02, 2014 01:20 PM PST
SO DRUNK IN THE AUGUST SUN, AND YOU’RE THE KIND OF GIRL I LIKE
But didn’t we? I mean *really* when you think about it, didn’t we? We really did didn’t we? Yes we did. We really did. Did it, I mean. Really. Didn’t we? Didn’t we do it? We did, yes we did. We really really did. Didn’t we?
Ahh. Well then. Should we head to the drawing room and see what Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die are up to? Why look! They’re recording a SILENCE! let’s go sit at their feet.
- Oo-er, titter ye not, Missus, titter ye not, NO! Don’t you wave your sponsorship at ME!
- The Beast takes us on a trip down memory lane to the heady days of the 1980s with Escape Magazine, featuring Alan’s Big American Adventure, Phil Elliott, Eddie Campbell and more.
- It’s a one-step, two-step, tickle you under the…Reviewniverse. The boys trudge through the 4-colour wastelands with Ody-C, Madman 3-D special, Prophet Strikefile, Superior Iron Man, Superior Foes of Spiderman, Usagi Yojimbo, Zero, John Smith and more.
- A final bit of chat about Guardians of The Galaxy and Thor 2 and then you’re free to do what you want with the rest of your life.
But we did though.
November 25, 2014 03:28 PM PST
So Gary Lactus, a The Beast Must Die and a Bobsy walk into a bar…and then they ordered everyone else of said bar, in order to record a podcast. Shortly after the podcast was finished recording the enraged bar patrons stormed back in and threw the three stringy upstarts out into the gutter, as a lifetime of reading comics had left them milky of complexion and frail of frame. Certainly not strong enough to stand up to a bunch of gammon-faced alcoholics with nothing to live for. Nonetheless the outcome is 2 hours of comics podcast magicccckks…let’s all go SILENCE!
- There’s a ramblicious opening salvo with sponsorshunting, and a selection pack of tangential conversations… but out of the morass comes a single ringing plea..BUY CINDY & BISCUIT!
- The Reviewniverse opens it’s hallowed doors to welcome The Grant Morrison Apologist Society Annual General Meeting starts here, as the boys go long for a discussion of the really quite good Multiversity: Pax Americana. Much too chew on, and chew they do…woo hoo!
- More Moz, as they careen into the void of Annihilator, before carrying onto X-Force, X-Men, Wonder Woman, Punk Mambo, Harley Quinn, Wytches, Intersect, and the weirdly divisive True Stories from Derf…there’s a bit of chat about Supreme Blue Rose, Zero, Loki: Agent of Axis and more…
November 18, 2014 02:07 PM PST
WHEN THE FIREWORKS HIT YOU IN MOGADISHU, ON A BEAUTIFUL SATURDAY NIGHT
It’s the SILENCE! THOUGHT BUBBLE 2014 SPECTACULASM! And you’re all invited. You’re welcome. Plus ones only and ladies in free. Drinks are half price until 9, and you get a free punch in the crackers on the way out.
So join Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die as they lead you on a gentle waltz across the dancefloor of podcastery, before trying to have their way with you in the rose garden. It’s 2+ hours of unbridled hubrisity from the Little and Large of podcasting.
- It’s a recording of SILENCE! LIVE from Thought Bubble 2014, with special guests Anal Al Ewing, Sexy Si Spurrier and King Kon Kieron Gillen...plus..could it be? Surely not? Is that Alan Mo…shhhhhh. Also features the Quizzlertron, Telepathy, Blind Date and Magnum PI.
- Then it’s time for a post con debrief, as the boyce recount their highlights, lowlights and no-lights. They also talk about their con-haul, so we get Giant Days from John Allison, Thunderbunny, Mindstain comics’ Wanker’s Tan and Grunt 8790, Cindy & Biscuit, Sklent, The Cleaner, Killjoy from Robert Brown, Hitsville UK, Oliver East’s The Homesick Truamts Cumbrian Yarn, Naminfg Monsters by Hannah Eaton, Andy Pearson’s Celph, Haywire, Eclipso, Norm Breyfogle, Alan Grant, Instant Piano and a whole lot more
- Gary Races through the rest, but frankly I can’t be bothered to list them. You can bet there’s some comics in there though, boy howdy!
Now. Sing me to sleep. Sing me to sleep, I’m tired and I want to go to bed…
November 03, 2014 01:19 PM PST
One day a REAL blurb will come…and wash all the other blurbs away. Until that day, you’re stuck with this. Deal with it or deal yourself out. NO DEAL, BANKER, NO DEAL!!!!
No Bobsy this week, so get yourself used to a classic double-hander from those two double-handers The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus. It’s a slim, trim, fighting fit SILENCE! that looks just super in those leopard skin jeggings that have been shoved to the back of the wardrobe since January. But don’t worry – there’s some extra treaty goodness attached to the end of this, with Mindless Men-At-Arms lord Nuneaton Savage, Brother Yawn, and no less than Pat Mills and Kev O’Neill. So peel back your earflaps and plug in to around two hours of splendissement.
- Just a good old fashioned sponsorshipping news, a bit of Thought Bubblage and some of the old classic legendary bruv-bants just the way you ‘like’ ‘it’.
- The boys climb into a patented ACME Giant Catapult and fire themselves deep into the heart of the Reviewniverse. THERE WILL BE TALKING! The following periodicals will be discussed: The Thought Bubble 2014 anthology, Wild’s End, Edge of Spiderverse, Marvel Golden Age Special, Saga, Supreme Blue Rose, the free Halloween Batman: Legends of the Drak Knight special, 2000Ad and The Delinquents.
- Bonus extra specialism – following the screening of Future Shock: the Story of 2000AD, the excellent documentary directed by Paul Goodwin (read a cracking interview with him here) at the BFI, Kev O’Neill and Pat Mills discussed the film with Paul and the producers. You can hear that, plus the collective reaction to the film from The Beast, Lord Nuneaton Savage and Brother Yawn. Opinions! They are shared! And check the film out whenever / wherever you can – it’s ace.
Now you go please. Thank you go now please. GO!
October 27, 2014 04:26 PM PDT
SOMEONE’S IN MY FRUIT CELLAR!
It’s that time of the year Dear Listeners, when the goblins, ghoulies, witches, wizards, monsters, vampires, werewolves, wraiths, poltergeists, demons, golems, landsharks, weredragons, living dolls, homunculi, lizardmen, banshees, reanimated corpses, killer robots, giant rats, zombies, and razor-wielding monkeys all troupe down to the pound shop and get themselves dressed up as office-workers. That’s right! It’s HALLLLOOOOOOOWWEEEEENN. And what could be better than a special nearly 3 hours of SILENCE! with your undead (from the waist down) hosts The Beast Must Die, Gary Lactus and the Bobsy from Beyond the Grave!
- Some gladminadminsadmin and sponsorshazammery from the boys, with some discussion of The Red Ghost, Goat Rider and anarchic kids comic OINK!
- Bobsy arrives just in time to rip open a hole in the skein of timespace and climb into the intestines of the Reviewniverse…there’s some words and they form themselves into sentient opinions about the following: Arkham Manor, The Green Arrow, Flash and Gotham TV Shows, Lisa Bonet, Dothraki, The Just, The 90s, Seven Soldiers, Starlight, GI Joe, Punt & Stick Job, Crystal Ball, Joe Hill, Transformers UK, The Diary Of Nam Frank, Wicked & The Divine, Proust, Pop, Tharg, Stray Bullets, Zero, Wolverine: Logan’s Legacy, Dinner With Lady Deathstrike, She Hulk, Aliens, Predator, Prometheus and Naughty Universe Touching.
- But that’s not all! Our Halloween sextacular continues with a ready made TV Terror marathon from the boys (with associated commentary):
10. Nigel Kneale’s Beasts
8. Shalcker the Painter
7. Twilight Zone “The After Hours”
6. Children of Green Knoll
5. Children of the Stones
3. Robin Redbreast
2. Tales From The Crypt “Naughty Or Nice"
Guaranteed to scare the pants off your willies and all the way out of your bejeezuses. You’re welcome.
Cosmic comic book discussion and songs from Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die of Mindlessones.com
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