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SILENCE! #153
Explicit
August 25, 2015 12:47 PM PDT
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Blurb, blurb changes everything Hands and faces, earth and sky Blurb, blurb changes everything ( reading comics) How you live and how you die (and read comics) Love can make the summer fly (like reading comics) Or a night seem like a lifetime (of reading comics) Yes, blurb, blurb changes everything (reading comics) Now I tremble at your name (Batman) Nothing in the world will ever Be the same (apart from comics) Welcome to another edition of SILENCE! the comics podcast that walks like a man, drinks like a fish and sh*ts like a train. Your hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die offer you a fine portion of comics criticism with a good slug of amusing gravy. Some perfunctory but respectful Sponsorsowhaddywhaddy, and a special report from the recent Safari festival, run by Breakdown Press. Decadence Comics, Krent Able’s Big Book of Mischief, Silica Dream and more, Plus Steve Davis and Prog Rock. The Reviewniverse uncurls it’s sweaty palm and scrunches the pair up into a tight little ball of comics reading joy. They tackle Phonogram: Immaterial girl, music journalism, The Freebutt, Beauty, Brandon Graham & Emma Rios’ Island, The Eltingville Comics Club, Constantine, Martian Manhunter, Stray Bullets, Wolf, Captain Britain & the Mighty Defenders and more. Some cats I guess?
SILENCE! #152
Explicit
August 11, 2015 01:22 PM PDT
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LIKE A PIG PULLING A CARTLOAD OF SAUSAGES, I DRAW MY OWN CONCLUSION Blurb, man’s oldest friend. Since time began it is blurb that has kept us warm, fed our children, bought our shoes, made us dance, laugh, cry and win prizes. Every day we take blurb for granted but no one truly knows what it is. Blurb, science’s last great mystery. As we discover more about our universe, it’s easy to feel there are are no mysteries left. We can put man on the moon, build robots that cook dinner and teleport to Kent but we are no closer to understanding blurb now than we were in the Flintstone era. No point in bothering to figure it out when you consider all that, is there? Here we go with another issue of SILENCE! Listen… yeah, that’s it… wait for it… the beat’s gonna drop… any second now, turn it up… here it comes… it’s sick when the beat drops… hold on… oh, sorry. Lose your shit to our self deprecating chat including sponsorshunt, Safari Festival, Portslade Village Fete, Gary’s forthcoming BBC New Comedy Award performance (as Fraser Geesin), and SILENCE! The Film Has Started with the animated adaptation of Dark Knight Returns. Oh yes, and the Two Alans. The Reviewniverse then beckons you onto the dancefloor to throw shapes alongside Dark Corridor, Kaptara, John Flood, Wic Div, This Damned Band, Airboy, Battleworld: Seige, Ms. Marvel, Death in Oaxaca, Black Canary, The Omega Men and Age of Reptiles. That’s it really, apart from some Begging
SILENCE! #151
Explicit
August 03, 2015 03:03 PM PDT
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STOP MAKING THAT BIG FACE! It was the best of blurbs, it was the worst of blurbs… Wait, so which was it? MAKE UP YOUR MIND! Well..okay then it was the best of blurbs.. REALLY? You better be sure about that. That’s a bold claim. Ummm… okay then it was ONE of the best of blurbs. It.. Well that’s hardly very important sounding is it? Why are you making a song and dance about ONE of the best of blurbs? There are GOOD blurbs everywhere! They’re ten a penn. JEEZ! You really are a self important arse. Stop wasting my time. It was..the..it was…*sob* it was… Welcome weary travellers. Rest your tweeting thumbs, take off them stinking boots and give them dogs a well-earned rest. It’s a CLASSIC line-up with Gary Lactus on bass guitar and The Beast Must Die on lead Keytar…and they are both rocking the main stage! It’s SILENCE! the comics podcast for waifs and strays. Sponsorshingles, and some reckymendations..Wet Hot American Summer and Rick & Morty. Then it’s time for our brand new section SILENCE! The Film Has Started with Ant-Man and Lost Souls: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr Moreau. And finally the Reviewniverse..the Disneyland of comics based criticism (in that it’s a fucking rip off). The boys break bread and spake of Hawkeye, Batgirl, Batgirl: Annual, Cyborg, E is for Extinction, Dr Fate, Mercy Heat, Hitsville UK, It Will All Hurt, Transformers Vs GI Joe, Stray Bullets, We Stand on Guard, Crickets and more more more (how do you like it?) Well, what an adventure we’ve all had. Now it’s time for sleepy time, so shhhh. Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
SILENCE! #150
Explicit
July 21, 2015 02:53 PM PDT
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Man walks into a bar. Wants to find someone to talk to about comics. He is shunned and dismissed as an irritant. The man leaves the bar and goes on the internet and tries to find someone to talk to about comics. The man finds Matthew Craig, Adam Englebright and James Wheeler. Together they make a podcast which people hear around the globe. The man imagines that the people who shunned him in the bar must be feeling pretty silly now. Yeah.

SILENCE! #149
Explicit
July 13, 2015 02:40 PM PDT
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YOU’RE A THIEF WITH STYLE No blurb here people. Nothing to see. That chalky outline you see there? That’s where a blurb used to be. Good blurb. An honest blurb. Till some punk just walked up to it, blew it away. Now this town got one less blurb in it, and ain’t it just that little bit colder for it? Well well well. Well. Well? Good, then let’s bear down for midterms with SILENCE!, the podcast that walks like a monkey and smells like one too. Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die skirt the very outskirts of professionalism in the way that only they can. Sponsorshibboleth, SILENCE! News reports on the hott comixzz nuce from SDCC, The Beast Must Die talks the Cindy & Biscuit entry at TV Tropes, and we unveil the shambolic SILENCE! Patreon! Open our hearts gentle people, sing like angels and join us in The Reviewniverse, for a vigorous bout of comics fisticuffs. The frankly bafflingly weird Bloodstrike leads the pack, after the boys fail to review Providence. Then it’s Archie, Omega Men, Batman, Cheer Up, Constantine, Section 8, Starfire, Injection, Strange Fruit and 2000AD Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
SILENCE! #148
Explicit
July 06, 2015 02:43 PM PDT
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IT’S THE BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ IN THE DRUM OF THE EAR Doug stepped out into the sunlight, blinking. His dressing gown lolled open, exposing his paunch. Tina’s vest top, pulled on accidentally in his rush to get outside barely covered it and the thick black hair on his belly poked out obscenely. In one hand he held a spatula; the other reached reflexively into the dressing gown pocket for the lighter he knew wasn’t there. Last night’s beer emanated from his stale mouth and he rubbed his tongue across his teeth. He wanted to belch but found he couldn’t. Taking his eyes from the sky for a moment he glanced to his left. Kathy was stood on her front lawn, gazing upward with her mouth hanging slackly open. Her two year old hung at her legs, pulling on her arm sleeve whining in a low, insistent tone. Across the road the Petersons crowded around their camper van, all staring up. The vast alien structure that hovered high above them was still humming it’s deep bass tone and rotating slowly. The bone like growths that sprouted from it creaked as they slowly undulated. The noise was awful, too much, too loud for Sunday morning. Doug couldn’t take his eyes from it, but his brain had already started to hanker for a Bloody Mary. Just as he was trying to remember if the tomato juice was still okay to drink, a jagged split opened up in the base of the structure. And that’s when it really began. There’s a fresh crop of admin, waiting to be picked, with nosey bouquets of Sponsorship and more Christopher Walken than you can shake a (Walken) stick at. It’s time for a new SILENCE! the only podcast that predates the discovery of the moon. Seasoned pod jockeys The Beast Must Die and gary Lactus are joined by new season recruit Bobsy, and the fun flows like lava, Grab your loved ones, batten down the hatches and hope for the best…here comes the Reviewniverse! And it’s a humdinger, packed full of nutritious good stuff, such as Martian Manhunter, Dr Fate, Black Canary, Robin: Son of Batman, we Are Robin, Doomed, JLA, Batgirl, Alan Moore, Berlin, Adventures of Tad Martin, The Amateurs, Airboy, 8House: Arclight, Zero, Annihilator, 18 Days, Kaptara, Crossed: Badlands, The Spire, Mythic, Fantasy Sports, Fury, World War Z, Channing Tatum, Tom Hardy, Lost Property, Material, Surface, Wicked & Divine and somehow even more… Bobsy sings! Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
SILENCE! #147
Explicit
June 23, 2015 12:24 PM PDT
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I GET PAID TO BREATHE, HOORAY FOR ME, HOORAY FOR ME Angela Grimcock grabbed David’s shotgun from out of the umbrella stand, adjusted her reading spectacles. and looked in the mirror. Running a calloused hand through her blue rinsed hair she checked one last time that she had a hankie tucked up her sleeve. She fished a warm Werthers original from her pocket, unwrapped it and popped it into her mouth. Then she unlocked the door to 43 Arkensword Avenue and stepped into the maelstrom. Mr Grainger came first, lurching through her Begonias, his face contorted with rage. His skin was mottled purple and red, and his black, swollen tongue poked out of his distended jaw. From a tear in his argyle sweater a new eye swivelled and blinked furiously. He was holding the remains of Miracle, his once beloved Daschund in one lumpen fist, and the small dog’s head lolled and buffeted against his trouser leg. With a strangled scream he launched towards Angela; she raised the shotgun towards her neighbour and pulled the trigger. Mr Grainger caught the blast fully in the chest and he was backflipped smartly over the Begonias, and into the water feature. David’s tasteful Japanese water sculpture bubbled crimson as Mr Grainger, one-time head of the Rotary club and organiser of the Salvation Army jumble sale expired with a keening wheeze, like a whoopy cushion. Out of the corner of her eye Angela spotted the Bishop boy sliding his way around into her yard. She’d never liked him ever since she caught him urinating on her herb garden as a 5 year old. Now, as his twisted body flipped and swivelled on new joints and three mouths snapped like castanets, she finally took her revenge. The first shot took his arm off at the shoulder and spun him like a top; the second caught him above the back of the neck and his his head disintegrated. Pieces of him dashed against the garden fence and his spasming body collapsed like a deflating bouncy castle on a warm summer afternoon. “It’s going to be a long Saturday” said Angela, with a grimace. “And I don’t even have a blessed drop of milk in the house. Black tea – it really is the end!” Strap on your big boy pants and stride into town, cos The SILENCE! van is here delivering delicious frozen podcasts to all the kiddies and neckbearded babymen! Sponsorship of the most efficient kind, just the way you like it. No shilly-shallying or dilly-dallying. Podcasts bruv, they’re a game of two halves bruv in’t they bruv? Into the hallowed grounds of the Reviewniverse we go, with The Beast doing a run down of screen-printed hipster fest ELCAF, and discussing Adam Cadwell’s Blood Blokes, Charles Forsman’s Hobo Mom, John Cei Douglas’ Show Me The Map of Your Heart, Rachael Smith’s I Am Fire and Darren Cullen’s Below. …then it’s Gary’s turn as he talks up Dr Fate, Prez, Ms Marvel, Black Canary, Astro City and The Fiction. That’s it. Drop some money in the collection on the way out. Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless
SILENCE! #146
Explicit
June 15, 2015 11:26 AM PDT
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THERE’S A MAN WITH A MULLET GOING MAD WITH A MALLET IN MILLETS And then the robot walked up to the man and he said get out of town because you are a criminal but the man who was an evil genius cowboy said i’m not getting out of town in fact i will rob the bank and then he got his gang ane they did a raid on the bank and stole all of the robot money. All the robots cried and said oh who will help us but then spacehorse flew down and said i am spacehorse i am the heroic horse from space and i have super powers and can fly and the robots said the evil genius cowboy stole our money so spacehorse said i will help you and so he flew off. Later the evil genius cowboy and his gang were laughing and shooting guns in the air and counting all the robot money but then spacehorse flew down from the sky and he used his eye lazers and cut the evil genius cowboys gang in half and the evil genius cowboy tied to run away but spacehorse melted his hat and then flew up and then down really fast and landed on his head with his hooves which are made of space metal and the evil genius cowboys head popped like a balloon. Spacehorse flew the money back to town and all the robots threw spacehorse a party and they all drank and ate and fell asleep. While they were all sleeping spacehorse stole all their robot money and flew off and also did an atomic horse poo on the robot town and blew it up. Then spacehorse and the teen riders all had another party. THE END Welcome gentlefolk to the internet’s first, last and only comics podcast…SILENCE! with your decrepid hosts Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die. No-one make any sudden moves and it should all be okay. Come one, come all to the hallowed fields of ADMIN, with a healthy dose of Sponsorsize (featuring GOSH! and Dave’s Comics), a bit more Geesin Bros love and a surprising lack of deviations and whimsical meandering. There must be something in the air. What’s that peeping out through the clouds? Why it’s only the flipping Reviewniverse, and wearing it’s special trousers as well! Hello big fella! A bumper crop of comics as well, and a shocking level of syncronisation from the boys reading patterns. Anyone would think they were beginning to get their shiz together after 146 episodes. In the sights this week All Star Section 8, Midnighter, Constantine, Omega Men, Batman, Bizarro, Injection, Crossed 100, Saga, Blubber, It will All Hurt, Nameless, Captain Avengers and the Mighty Americas, the f*cking Carol Corps?!, 21st Century Tank Girl and more. Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless This edition of SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the greatest comics shop on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton. It’s also sponsored the greatest comics shop on the planet GOSH! Comics of London.
SILENCE! #145
June 09, 2015 03:03 PM PDT
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HE LIES ON HIS SIDE IS HE TRYING TO HIDE? IN FACT IT’S THE EARTH THAT HE’S KNOWN SINCE BIRTH “Cor blimey stroike a loight guvnor, wos all this about then, cor blimey ain’t I yer bloody great sod! I tell ye what me ol choina, this eer’s a roight rum bloody lark an no mistake ain’t it? It’s been rainin apples and soddin pears all day an I’m soaked to the effin bone I am guvnor, stroike a light guv an I even seen me fancy dolly bird all day noither…” CUT! Why the f*ck did you hire an American actor to do this blurb? For f*cks sake this is a total write off. F*ckin amateurs… Admin, admin getcher self some admin! I’ve got a brand new pair of Sponsorskates…Gosh Comics and Dave’s Comics? You know the drill. PLUS the boys have a celebrity friend bake off – Gary Lactus lunges with Warwick Johnson Cadwell and Tank Girl and The Beast parries with James Stokoe and Orc Stain. MY EYES! MY EYES! Blinded by the insidious glare of the Reviewniverse…and within that awful black light is Zero, Non-Player, Secret of Monkey Island, Another World, Airboy, The Golden Age, Secret Wars, Amazing Spiderman, Kaijumax, Chilling World of Sabrina, God Hates Astronauts, Pope Hats and the Geesin Brothers. BOOM-SHAKA-LAKA! FROM DOWN TOWN! Go home everybody. Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless
SILENCE! #144
Explicit
June 02, 2015 02:41 PM PDT
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SHE LOOKS LIKE EVE MARIE SAINT, IN ON THE WATERFRONT “So like with this second album we really wanted to just totally get away all the stuff that everyone associated with that first album y’know? Like, we really wanted to strip out a lot of the poppy stuff and just really let the tracks just like find themselves y’know? We’d been listening to a lot of Can, Neu! y’know Krautrock stuff but also like a lot of Italo-disco y’know? And that just totally informed the epic, spaced out grooves we kind of ended up with. And like we were really getting pressured to come up with a hit single, like something that the label could totally pitch to, I don’t know Radio 6 or something, but we were so totally against that, because like really we felt we’d really done that whole three minute thing y’know and Gavin was trying out this weird singing style, kind of trying for that Liz Frazer ethereal stuff y’know but with this real kind of screechy falsetto y’know, and he’d totally just given up with traditional vocals and moved into some kind of impressionistic moaning and shit y’know? Really pushing the boundaries. And Tiny Darren was just totally entranced with all that Bollywood soundtrack stuff so he was really into just bringing that vibe into the rhythm section and then Kath was really intent on everyone swapping instruments on the final track cos she’d been using Eno’s Oblique Strategies and wanted to get like a sort of Tortoise jamming thing going, but much more primitive and skronky y’know. Really bold, challenging stuff. And we were really really pleased with the way the whole album hung together, even though the label were really nervous about the fact that we sacked Terry Nuggins and ended up producing the whole thing ourselves, which I actually think really kind of brave actually, considering that Terry had just produced the Brontosaurus album, but we like knew that we’d done the right thing, the honest thing, y’know. And when the reviews came in they were mixed and kind of sometimes terrible and a lot of our fans like tuned out, like a lot, and we got fully dropped, but I still totally stand by the record. Y’know?” “Listen mate, can I just get my burger?” It’s an extra big portion of SILENCE!, the only podcast to have started in the Elizabethan era. ZOUNDS! Peppy new recruit Bobsy joins those grizzled street veterans, who are gettin’ too ol’ for this shit, The Beast Must Die & Gary Lactus. Admin, get yer fresh admin! Only £50 a portion! Sponsorshizzle, Blue Peter, the Harmontown documentary and Big Hero 6? They’re all here and ready to please Reviewniverse? Why yes I will, and and I’ll go large as well! Material, Providence, Necronomicon (film), Insufferable, Millar Vs Morrison, Resident Alien, Convergence, Secret Wars, Shazam!, Optic Nerve, Swamp Thing, Kitchen, Wytches and oh so much more. Y’know what that sound is? the smallest violin in the world playing just for you cos the podcast’s OVER! Boo Hoo! Contact us: silencepodcast@gmail.com @silencepod @frasergeesin @thebeastmustdie @bobsymindless

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