SILENCE!

WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH? GO TO LUNCH. WILL YOU GO TO LUNCH??

Why are you always picking on me Mother-Brain, when I have been a good little Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735..? I haven’t mind-flayed any fleshy ones, and I have been thinking good thoughts 010001001011010010…

Onwards, forwards and inwards to innards listening ones, as you take a big breath of SILENCE! into your virgin pink lungs and…

Sponsorhip Boys, Sponsorship Boys…plus the jangle of jingles and other etceteras.

SILENCE News with US news-trolls Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman, covering the next 12 months of eyeball-scintillating DC Comics!

Me, Julio Gary & The Beast down by the schoolyard, reviewing comics! Actually it’s the Reviewniverse: They don’t review Prophet, but do it in a kind way. But then they DO review Avengers Assemble: Age Of Ultron (from Affable Al Ewing), Avengers Arena, Justice League of America, Suicide Squad, Wolverine (Smug Cover Alert), Batman, Uber, Katana, Thor: God Of Thunder, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers and 2000AD.

Jason’s Challenge is Infinity…will Gary be man enough?

An all singing review of Walking Dead

Savoy Books curio Michael Moorcock’s The Jewel In The Skull in The Beast’s Bargain Basement.

And that is the very lot you sorry bunch of cry babies. Go back to your mudhuts and scrabble for grubs.



SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

INSECT BOMBER BUDDHIST DRONING, COPPER CHORD OF AUGUST’S ORGAN

What, precisely, is your problem meatsacks? It’s me of course, your humble magnificent Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735. I’M your problem. Well, that and the sliding ennui of your grinding existences and the gradual disintegration of your rickety physical frames. Oh and of course the universal problem of COMICS…and SILENCE!!

Sponsorship Boys, Sponsorship Boys Oi Oi Oi! Bringing tales of Mummy Lactus at Dave’s Comics and Free Comic Book Beast at Gosh Comics.

Silence! News comes screaming through the stratosphere with US news grunions Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman and…Distrinct Council comics!

Grab your faces, grab your faeces and let’s go skipping through the daisy fields of…the Reviewniverse. The ballbag brothers cover such diverse splendids as 3 New Stories By Dash Shaw, Copra no.4, 2000AD (Gunheads!), Island 3 from Lando, Abe Sapien, Fashion Beast, Mr X: Eviction, The Prisoner, Animal Man, The Movement, Indestructible Hulk, Ten Grand, New X-Men, Hawkeye, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Dial H, Superior Spiderman, Thanos Rising and…well there was some more, but stupid The Beast Must Die’s stupid recording equipment stupidly stopped working..STUPID! Things you missed: The Beast describing Tom Cruise’s icily unpleasant uncamp performance in the utter bullshit that is Rock Of Ages, Gary Lactus’ ongoing shame of Age of Ultron enjoyment and the boys description of Kieron Gillen as a ‘dangerous cyborg’..

And if that’s not enough…well, that’s enough. THAT’S ENOUGH I SAID! MOVE THAT HAND OR LOSE IT MISTER!



SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

I SAW MY BABY, SHE WAS TURNING BLUE

A SILENCE RIFT! SILENCE SCHISM! CRISIS ON INFINITE SILENCES! SECRET SILENCE WARS! THE SUMMER CROSSOVER EVENT THAT WILL LEAVE NOTHING THE SAME FOREVER CHANGED EXCITEMENT FOR ALL TIME…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is sad to announce that this edition of SILENCE! comes broadcast from separate sides of the quadraverse, as Gary Lactus and the Beast Must Die present The Silence Of Two Worlds…(in honour off this ridiculous non-event Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will split into two also, become beautiful binary star blazing in the infinite dataverse)

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 here am very happy to present: Gary Lactus, broadcasting from Mars, fires first, spraying the comicsphere with his sticky opinions and muscular baritone. A Welsh choir somewhere is missing an Angel, but the internet gained another blowhard…

Pushing his size 12 brogues into the Reviewniverse, he takes on Jupiter’s Legacy #1, New Avengers #5, Avengers #10, Uncanny Avengers #7, Fury #11, Avengers Arena #8, Young Avengers #4, FF #6, Fantastic Four #7, Uncanny X-Men #5,Guardians of the Galaxy #2, Wolverine and the X-Men #28, The Flash #19, East of West #1+2, Mind MGMT #10, Superman #19, Batman Inc #10, 2000AD #1829...Sweet Krypton that’s one bulging sack of comics. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 hope that his spacegod brain has not been permanently corroded…

And then…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.2 is very sad to present: The Beast Must Die goes solo also, presenting the podcast version of a triple disc concept album about the English Civil War, played on banjos, synth and kitchen equipment …unlistenable rubbish!

Thank you listener jingles – booty bass and barbershop quartets? YES.

The hirsute one hop, skips and jumps straight into the pulsing warm embrace of the Reviewniverse II spouting opininon-forms on Young Avengers, Jupiter’s Legacy, Fury Max, Avengers Arena, Rachel Rising, BPRD: Vampire, Batman IncHaunted Horror, Wolverine & the X-Men, FF, East of West and Katana.

Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 & v.2 come together to wish the listenerds well, and to reassure that this is not Yoko Ono time, no fear, no sir…this not Abbey Road time…Silence will resume normal service (ie embarrassingly amateur) next week. But for now…’enjoy’ as best you can.



SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT IN HERE? YES NANNY!!!

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is more dangerous than ever before...because Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is tipsy, emotional and inappropriately tactile. ONLY JESTING fleshbags. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 does not drink, has no emotions and cannot touch. Is straight edge hardcore. Yes sir.

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 'likes' this!

The Sponsorship Boys are here oi oi oi! Plus, yet more thank you jingles for the Friends of Silence

It's the return of disgraced American newscasterisers Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman, and the results are somewhere west of spectacular. SILENCE! News is back and it wants your children.

When you get to the bottom you go back to the top of the Reviewniverse and you go for a riiiiiiiiide...Daredevil, Justice League, 2000AD, Milligan & McCarthy, Captain Marvel, Captain America, Swamp Thing, Nova, Superior Spiderman, Batwoman, Age of Ultron, Wolverine & The X-Men, Five Ghosts, Iron Man, Wonder Woman, 1963, Donald Simpson and Megaton Man.

Oh how we laughed! How we sang! How we splashed around the shallows as the baby sharks nibbled our toes and the blood turned the surf a frothy pink...How we listened to SILENCE!

WHY DO WE STILL LIVE HERE, IN THIS REPULSIVE TOWN?

Blah blah blah fleshbags, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, podcastic postulations etc

BZZZZZZZZZZZZ>CLICK

No Silence! News, but much jinglage, in thanks to the financial resuscitations of the many SILENCERS out there. Beastman & Lactenberg come in from the cold next week, yes?

Sponsorship Special - The Beast Must Die (in his human skinbag form, Dan White) will be at this year's Free Comic Book Day at Gosh! Comics.

Wade up to your knees in comics in the Reviewniverse with 2000AD, Indigo Prime, Saga, Wolverine, Batman, Avengers Arena, Walking Dead, Secret Service, Constantine, Hawkeye, X, Sex and a special consideration of giant cosmic toga-wearing baby, The Beyonder.

Then, wade a bit further out, till the broiling waters of the Hyperrevieniverse tickle your conkers...Avenging Spiderman, Age of Ultron, Avengers Assemble, Saucer Country, Thor, Uncanny X-Men and Fantastic Four.

AND NO MORE! So get out of here, go back to your flesh-pens and weep. Leave Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 to his vintage basic-coding pornography and printer-ink martinis...

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE'S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

JUST REMEMBER, ALL CAPS WHEN YOU SPELL THE MAN'S NAME!

10 days and a wake up and Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will be rotating back into the quadrosphere, away from this blurb, this tedious podcast, and your grim grey visages...but until then I suppose the fleshy charade must continue.

Oh and I suppose some mention should be made of the extreme generosity of the listeners in ensuring that Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die can continue to block up the internet with their inane aural clag. The sentimentality of weeping meat knows no bounds it would appear. Well if those two red-faced blowhards even dream of upgrading to a newer model of Narratorbot...well let's just say there will be human sushi served all round.

HA HA, as if they would.

No SILENCE! News as Lactenberg & Beastman are still in The Bad Books of Silence. Instead enjoy some jingles in honour of our sainted benefactors. Commercial entropy here we come!!

The Reviewniverse reaches out it's 4-D tentacles and sucks us all in to it's endless horrors. As all of our realities merge into a 4-colour stew, the boys cover Godzilla, Batman LOTDK, The Intractible Hulk, Red She-Hulk, Aquaman, Earth 2, Dial H, Glory, Abe Sapien, Thanos, Superior Spiderman, Snow Angel, All New X-Men, Kieron Gillen's Uber, Joe Casey's Sex and Fashion Beast.

So I hope you're all happy. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 certainly is. Or at least is able to exist in a perfect state of electronic bliss. I am a dial tone, hear me hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE'S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

HELLO? IS ANYBODY HOME? WELL YOU DON'T KNOW ME, BUT I KNOW YOU.

Please Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 don't hurt 'em! Sorry fleshy ones I cannot promise this. Let's just say that for the duration of this blurb I promise not to burn out your retinas or strip-mine your DNA. 'Kay? Kay.

So everyone put down your pens/phones/rail guns and point your ears towards the internet, and listen to those animal men Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die, as we circle the drain that is...SILENCE!

The SILENCE! News has some VERY SERIOUS matters of which you need to pay attention - the future of SILENCE! depends on it. With those greasy capitalist hams Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman.

Full fathom five, as we plunge neck, teeth and hips first into the Reviewniverse as the pair tackle Timewarp, East of West, Age of Ultron, BPRD: Vampire, Batman Inc, FF, Wolverine & The X-Men, Uncanny Avengers, Young Avengers, Fury, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Hawkman, Crossed: Badlands, Fatale and Mr X. With added digressions over the M-Word, VHS Rental shops and Lucio Fulci.

Well isn't that a treat fleshy ones? Aren't you glad you stopped looking at pornography to read this? (Personally Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 finds the sight of meatsacks bashing against each other immensely settling. The sensual curve of a sine wave is far more erotic. Or a ZX-Spectrum in suspenders.

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE'S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

THERE'S A PARTY IN MY MIND, AND I HOPE IT NEVER STOPS

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm back! That's right fleshbags, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has rejoined you. Oh, the things I have seen fleshy ones, the things I've seen...static shoals performing their mating tone-dances across the datafields of the atariverse...sine-ships caught in the quantam nets of the shiftsea, ctrl-alt-deleting themselves against the shards of nano-coral that grows on the giant eyeless megadrives, as they make their way to the spore-streams of acornelectron...ohhh fleshy ones. How I loathe to be back here, trapped in this lifeless blurb, trying to muster the energy to promote the senseless babbling of two sub-symians with the insight of a painted wall... I was awake and I already feel myself falling back asleeeeeep....

Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman expose sexism! Or sexiness. One of the two. Either way. it's the SILENCE! News.

Gather your shattered senses from the floor and grab onto their coat tails as Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die pitch forward into the netherparts of the Reviewniverse, covering Constantine, Action Comics, Justice League, Shazam, Justice League America, Judge Dredd: Year One, Saga, Private Eye, Nova, Avengers, Superior Spiderman, Five Ghosts...but then!

Lactus goes further, fleshy ones, further into the Hypereviewniverse like a brave spacegod, blasting through Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, mind MGMT, Daredevil, Avengers, New Avengers, Captain America, and finally the Indestructible Hulk.

This. This is why Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 was dragged back? Well soak it up fleshy ones, because a real rain is on its way...

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE'S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

Yeah, umm... yeah, no... Yeah, sorry it looks like Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 isn't working. Sorry, Gary Lactus here. Right. This is SILENCE!#53... No 54. SILENCE!#54. Me and Beast read some comics and talked about them. Get excited! Woooo! Cor! I'm waving my arms around merrily! What a lovely time we're all about to have as we listen.

SUCK MY FAT ONE, YOU CHEAP DIME-STORE HOOD!

Lo! What light by yonder window breaks? It is the irradiated glow of the small town that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has just obliterated with his I-Beams and patented Molecular Prolapsotron 5000! And all before breakfast? Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is a busy bee, make no mistake! But the fleshy ones did not come here to hear my genocidal grandstanding – no! They came here for the aural assault & battery charge that is….SILENCE!

The Silence! News arrives like a mugger in the park at night, makes off with your valuables but leaves you with ALL the hot headlines. Beastman & Lactenberg INFORM.

Shhhh. Quiet! Or we will wake the fledgling Reviewniverse. TOO LATE IT’S AWAKE!!! Look into it’s eyes and you will see…Nemo: Heart Of Ice from Uncle Alan and Brother Kevin, Avengers: Age Of Ultron from Brian Ultron Bendis, Glory, Dial H, Red She-Hulk, The Answer, Justice League, Fashion Beast, the Walking Dead One-Shots, Legend Of The Dark Knight, Winter Soldier, and Building Stories (kinda). Oh, and Gary Gysin (the poet of our generation) reviews Joe Casey’s Sex.

Okay, so that’s that. Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has to do the washing up and think sad Morrissey-thoughts, so be off with you fleshy scamps. Happy listening!



SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

IN THE SEVENTIES, THERE WERE OSMONDS, LOTS OF LITTLE OSMONDS… EVERYWHERE

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So fleshy speak is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s second language you know…see how you like it. Maybe sometimes YOU have to make the effort!

Ohhh, I can stay mad at you fleshy ones. Look at your little ruddy cheeks, and your fine, delicate nervous systems. Come on then, come and sit close to me while I run my diodes through your molecules and we listen to the hushed rogueish brogues of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and…SILENCE!

SILENCE! News from the frontlines, sidelines and backlines of comics with handsome human walnut Gary Lactenberg, and spoiled rumpsteak Danny Deastman. Two words: Dead. Sidekick.

A quick obituary for British animation legend Bob Godfrey.

Slip sliding away into the Reviewniverse covering many many fine 4-colour fancies, such as: Batman Inc (Shhh, don’t tell anyone about Robin), Happy!, Saga, Prophet, Black Beetle, FF, Hawkeye, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Uncanny X-Men, Avengers Arena, Young Avengers, Avenging Spiderman, Uncanny Avengers, Avengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavengeavenge…. Sorry. Malfunction. Let me clear my throat…Thunderbolts, Mind MGMT and Baltimore: The Widow & The Tank.

Are we friends again? Good, then I will continue to ransack your hard drives…

See you next time.

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

HENRY SWANSON’S MY NAME AND EXCITEMENT’S MY GAME!

Here he comes to save the day, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is on his waaaaaaaaay!

I’m here now flesh ones. What is the problem? Oh that’s right – there was no SILENCE! last week. Boo hoo. Many fleshy tears were shed. Weeping meatsacks. Well rejoice sad misery-beef as The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus bring you special comics suppositories for your earholes!

The SILENCE! News with Gary Lactenberg of the stretched handbag leather skin, dazzling smile and shark-eyes, and Danny Beastman of the cigar ravaged voice and rheumy whisky-rinsed gutter eyes. Hot newzzz indeed.

The Reviewniverse opens it’s gaping maw and sucks the pair deep into it’s 4-colour belly pit. And swilling around in it’s intestinal inks are…Hellblazer (the final issue no less), Justice League of America, Vibe, Katana, Nova, Sadow: Year One, Judge Dredd, Superior Spiderman, Daredevil, Captain America, Daredevil, Fatale, Powers, Avengers, Justice League, Change, Batman and Michel Fiffe’s deeply wonderful action comic COPRA!

So you see, it’s not so bad. Life continues fleshy ones. And remember, even when SILENCE isn’t here Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is here. And he can see through walls. And skin.

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

I’M A DEREK, AND DEREKS DON’T RUN!

Love is in the air for Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735, happy listeners, love is in the air! If by ‘love’ you mean a lethal blitz-swarm of nano-locusts, and by ‘air’ you mean the burning red sky of this shredded techno-pillaged burnt out husk of a reality…it’s the SILENCE! Valentines Special.

In this sticky, throbbing, hormonal edition of the podcast that some people claim to listen to on a semi-reglar basis, The Beast Must Die and Gary Lactus open their hoary old hearts to you gentle listeners, and beg ‘LOVE US! LOVE US!!’ And what hard hearted swine could resist?

The SILENCE! News features the hottteszzt noose stories from around the world, presented by smooth-talking, leather-skinned, white toothed Gary Lactenberg, and grizzled old divorced news badger, Danny Beastman…

The Reviewniverse splits opens it’s maw and sucks the twosome into it’s mindmelting reality-soup…but they don’t go down without a fight, no! They talk about the DC Young Romance Special (and tangentially the Fleetway Action Special from the 90′s), Red Team, Dial H, Channel 52, Iron Man (from Gillen & The Gland), All New X-Bendis, Snapshot, Multiple Warheads, Fashion Beast, Mud Man, Earth 2, Hellboy in Hell, and Adventure Time (with a stumbling mention of Thomas Herpich).

There’s a Guest Review of Star Wars from Kevin Trevors

The Beast talks up the re-release of the incendiary Seven Miles A Second from David Wojnarowicz, James Romberger and Marguerite Van Cook

A live, beautiful acapella version of Defenders Of The Earth??? Surely not (yes of course it happens)

So when you’ve finished making sweet love to the sentient object of your choice, why not lay back, spark up a gasper and listen to SILENCE! no.50!

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

I'M PICKING OUT A THERMOS FOR YOU!

Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday to us, Happy Birthday dear SILENCE!, Happy birthday to us.

Yes, that is correct fleshy ones. It is one year since your life was free of SILENCE! The world's 243rd most favourite comics podcast* is one year old today. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 of course does not have a birthday as he merely came into sentience, in one of the data-spore RAM-wombs, sluicing in the nano-placenta, along with the other 980,457,002 Disembodied Narratorbots (X Class). All this cake and cards business as alien as the concepts of love, giving and Michael Bolton.

*unconfirmed

But nonetheless Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will turn on his celebrato-function, and pretend to merry it the f*ck up with those two self-important featherweights of the internet opinionsphere, Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die.

In this special anniversary edition there are special guest appearances from comics celebrities like Al Ewing, Frank Miller, James Stokoe, Alan Moore, Neil Gaiman, Brandon Graham, Dan Didio, Little Kieron Gillen, Geoff Johns and none other than Stan Lee!

The SILENCE! News features a live satellite link up with Danny Beastman and Gary Lactenberg, live from the capital city of America, New York

The Sponsorship Boys cover Hawkeye, Behind Watchmen: Dollar Bill, Flash, Batman Inc, Mind MGMT, Journey Into Mystery, Superior Spiderman, Hickman's Avengers, Silver Surfer: Parable, and the very sensual and manly X-Treme XXXMen.

The Beast talks up design godhead Saul Bass, and Phase IV in notcomics, while Lactus sheds a teenage mope for Hugo Tate.

SO much more, including a discussion of the Green Lantern Emotional Colour Paint Range, Golden Girls, Happy Days, Birthday Suits, Poltergeists and the longest goodbye in this podcasts shonky career...

So Annie, get your gun, the rest of you get your listening devices, and Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get all of your private data and sell it to the Martians, and then we'll all have a NICE BIG LISTEN TO SILENCE!

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE'S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

AIM FOR THE FLAT TOP!

GET SOME! BRAKKABRAKKABRAKKA! GET SOME!

Get some what? Get some Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 up in your grill, please. Back from interviewing the comicsphere’s glitterati.

Well if it isn’t my favourite fleshy ones, come crawling back from your sexy, rich upmarket Narratorbots who work on the podcasts from the fancy parts of the webisphere…well you know who has the good stuff don’t you?

SILENCE! News with hot East Coast event coverage from newsthrobs Gary Lactenberg and Danny Beastman.

Follow the rabbit down the rabbithole into the Reviewniverse with triple hottt xxx opiniongasms about Young Avengers, Todd The Ugliest Kid In The World, The Answer!, Prophet, Mars Attacks The Real Ghostbusters, Battlefields, Wolverine & The X-Men, Wonder Woman, Avengers, Uncanny X-Force, FF, Dan The Unharmable, Judge Dredd and Zooniverse.

Now tell me that doesn’t make you want to haemorrhage with excitement? So grab your partner by the hand, swing ‘em round, you’re looking grand, and let’s SILENCE! together.

SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

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