Cosmic comic book talk
February 01, 2019 08:20 AM PSTI KNOW YOU’VE ALREADY BEEN TOLD BUT LET ME SAY IT AGAIN, THINGS GET WORSE WHEN YOU GET OLD Hey! Listen up! You wanna blurb? ‘Course you do! Everyone loves a blurb and this, my friend, right here in this box, is a BLURB! Know what I mean? Not just any old blurb, I mean a BLUUURRRB! Yeah, NOW you’re interested! You wanna see the blurb before you take it? Sure, but I can’t show you here. If I get this blurb out in public and people see it, we’re gonna have a crowd form in seconds and that’s gonna be a problem. Say, why don’t you come down this dark alley and I’ll let you have a little looksee. Okay, come on… Here we go, let me just get the latch here… heh heh, it’s a bit sticky, hang on… THERE! FEAST YOUR EYES! What? Oh shit! Sorry, wrong box! That’s a turd i did in the shape of a cock and balls… Sorry about that. No, you can go, it’s fine, sorry. Sorry.
January 17, 2019 10:51 AM PSTLIFE I LOVE YOU, ALL IS GROOVY Listen can you do me a favour? I just need to nip out for a bit…no not for long. I’ll be real quick. I wouldn’t ask, but it’s actually really, really important that I go. Yeah. No, I honestly wouldn’t ask unless…y’know. Important, that’s right. You will? Oh mate that’s brilliant…honestly you don’t know what a favour this is. So I just need you to just literally sit here and do nothing till I get back. Yeah, I’ll be so, so quick I promise. Ok, so just like…just sit there, that’s right. Yup, just there. And that’s it! Till I get back. Okay? Ok cool. ..oh wait, there is just one other thing. If anyone turns up asking about a blurb, can you just whip something up? Ok great.
December 19, 2018 04:18 AM PSTTHERE’S A BOX FULL OF SHOWER-GELS, I’VE LEFT AROUND THE WORLD It’s SILENCE!, there’s no need to be afraid At SILENCE!, we let in light and we banish shade And in our world of plenty we can spread a smile of joy Throw your arms around the world at SILENCE! But say a prayer, pray for the other ones At SILENCE! it’s hard, but when you’re having fun There’s a world outside your window And it’s a world of dread and fear Where the only water flowing Is the bitter sting of tears And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom Well tonight thank God it’s them instead of you And there won’t be snow in Africa this SILENCE! The greatest gift they’ll get this year is life Where nothing ever grows No rain nor rivers flow Do they know it’s SILENCE! at all? Here’s to you Raise a glass for everyone Here’s to them Underneath that burning sun Do they know it’s SILENCE! at all? Eat the world Eat the world Eat! the world Let them know it’s SILENCE! again Eat! the world Let them know it’s SILENCE! again Eat! the world Let them know it’s SILENCE! again Eat! the world Let them know it’s SILENCE! again Eat! the world Let them know it’s SILENCE! again
December 10, 2018 07:02 AM PST
Comics? Do they still make those? Why?! Can a comic get you from A to B without having to rub up against the scum on public transport? Can a comic beep increasingly faster as you reverse towards a stationary object? Can a comic cruise down the open road as you listen to some quality tunes (or Magic FM, what’s the difference?)? Can you make love to a beautiful/willing woman in the backseat of a comic? Tell you what, if you can convince me that a comic will somehow get all the bloody cyclists off my roads then I might be interested! Until then the only way I’d ever possibly be interested in a comic is if it was filling some of the pot holes on our roads these days what on earth do I pay my road tax for you could’t make it up!
Here’s SILENCE! #459. I, Gary Lactus have passed my driving test and spend much of this episode burning rubber in The Beast Must Die’s stupid, carless face! Once the dust settles there’s some prolonged pre-comics chat about Mandy, Deconstructed with Mehdi Hassan and some other stuff I can’t remember because I wasn’t listening, I was too busy browsing driving gloves online.
Then there’s the Reviewniverse in which there are reviews, passing mentions or something inbetweens of The Green Lantern, Shuri, Fantastic Four, Jeff Hawke, Go-Bots, Titan Editions in general including James Bond and a very special review of Darren Cullen’s Mini Daily Mail (find out more HERE)
You can support us using Patreon if you like.SILENCE! #258
November 15, 2018 12:49 PM PSTI’VE BECOME A GIANT, I FILL EVERY STREET y’know yer my besssht pal, y’know? I love you mate, I rilly rilly…love you. Yer a real pal. Besht mates. Thass what we are. Besh..besht. I know, I know I’ve had few…a few beersh but..iss still true, yknow? Me ‘n’ you…we’ve bin through a lot y’know? But we’re shtill..besht…besht,.. *HWWWRRARRRRRAAAAAALLLPPH* Ohhh…ohh. shorry man….shorry about yer…yer shoes… So whaddya shay pal? Can you help out an old out-of-work…hic…blurb writer?
October 30, 2018 09:16 AM PDTTHIS SKILLED TRADE LIKE A TAILOR-MADE SUEDE, HIT THE STUDIO AND I’M PAID Is there anybody there…? If you’re there, speak now. Or…let us know you can hear us. Just a sound. Any sound. To let us know. There are loved ones here who want to speak to you… THERE! DID YOU HEAR THAT? Words! Words, coming through the ether…forming…what is it that you are trying to tell us..? Wait. I don’t understand…Item? Are yo trying to say item..?
October 11, 2018 02:35 AM PDTYOU’RE GONNA BE REMEMBERED FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU SAY AND DO If you only knew the existential dread with which I approach the writing of these blurbs. The loaded Colt 45 is sat on the table in front of me. Could this be the week? Come on. It’s easy. Just … just write something witty. Or pithy. Or surreal. Cold, dead lump of metal in my hand. It’s easy. Just write it. Find that concept. Something to hang your hat on. Something. Just. Write. Squeezing the trigger now. Just that sprung lever gently…gently… Oh wait! I’ve got it! It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…
September 14, 2018 04:28 AM PDT
One blurb, fully composed, grammatically perfect.
Essential: Pithy, original tone, mentions of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die, SILENCE!, the Reviewniverse, admin and comics.
Desirable: Arch, conceptual structure, subversive punchline, Swiftian satire, gentle ribbing of beloved genre tropes.
(Please include mention of the following in your blurb: Thought Bubble 2018, Silence To Astonish Live, Crowded, Aliens: Labyrinth, West Coast Avengers, Tale of One Bad Rat, Tangent Comics: Tales of the Green Lantern, The New World, The Vigilant.
Please also include the phrase ‘much, much more’)
Please contact Silence at gmail.com with proposed blurbs. A shiny gold star is your reward.
You can support us using Patreon if you like.SILENCE! #254
August 14, 2018 04:14 AM PDTJONATHAN IT’S LATE. DON’T YOU THINK THAT I SHOULD GO? Hello…? Is there anyone receiving this signal? We seem to have become unshackled from time and space…we no longer no where we are, where we should be or where we are. We are unmoored, adrift. Time looks like an inside out rubiks cube. I can see your beginning and my end, and they are. The. Same. Thing. Help us. Something has happened. We’re sending this….this podcast out there into the no-space to try and cast an anchor on a point in time, any time to try and get home. Please. This is a message. A message. In a bottle. Is anyone there? Or is it just… silence.
June 26, 2018 03:15 AM PDTAh, podcasting. The oldest profession. Since the dawn of time began throughout history it has been podcasters who have kept us warm and fed our children. In some ancient cultures podcasters were revered, even worshipped as living gods. Of course today the podcaster occupies the lowest tier of respectability alongside estate agents, prostitutes and Piers Morgan but where would we be without them? Surely dead. This issue Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die manage to fit in some time for you, generously allowing you to listen in on them talking about Small Press Day, the Kinder Egg scandal that no one is talking about and the collector gene. Then it's off to Outpost Reviewniverse for Dice Man Comic, Proxima Centauri, Slasher, Mister Miracle, Bloodstrike Brutalists, By Night, Oblivion Song, Neil Gaiman's Helblazer, Sandman, Howard Chaykin's The Shadow, Chester Brown's Little Man and The Weather Man Finally there's some Rekkymend from Gary Lactus of Liam Williams's Pls Like and The Beast Must Die has seen Black Panther. You're welcome.
Cosmic comic book discussion and songs from Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die of Mindlessones.com
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